The most successful communicators get to the point and avoid these phrases that only serve to irritate the listener:

1. “Just a friendly reminder…”  

These phrases only camouflage your request and make the other person think you’re trying to nag, blame or be bossy.

What to say instead: Be direct. If you need a quick turnaround, there’s nothing wrong with saying, “Hey, I’m sorry to bug you again, but I need a response.”

2. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…”

This phrase almost always prefaces something annoying or offensive.

The lazy, self-serving logic behind it is that if you tell people in advance that you’re going to be rude, it’s okay to go ahead and do so. Wrong.

What to say instead: Legitimate criticism is necessary and even helpful, as long as you’re not a jerk about it. Think before you speak: Are you focusing on the problem you want to solve?

If so, it’s fine to say: “Is this a good time to talk? There’s something that’s been bothering me” or “I’m concerned about your performance. Let’s talk about it.”

3. “Got it.” 

Sometimes, this is just another phrase for “Yep, okay.” But the sarcastic version means something different: “Shut up, I heard you” or “You’re annoying, leave me alone.”

What to say instead: Examine why you’re upset. Then try saying, “I’m sorry if I seem annoyed. I’m having a hard time with this assignment” or “I’m stressed because I already have two deadlines today.”

4. “Hey, how are we doing with that task I’m waiting for?”

Softening a request might seem polite, but it can also be a form of passive aggression. Think of other “softeners” like “Thanks in advance” or “Hey, what’s our ETA looking like?”

If you’re asking for something as a boss or colleague, don’t pretend like you’re being a pal. It’s fine to be explicit and state what you need and when.

What to say instead: Be upfront. Remind them of the deadline, then explain the stakes of missing it: “I really need this by tomorrow or the client will be very upset.”

5. “If that’s what you want to do…”

This phrase implies disapproval. Other passive aggressive judgement signals include “Just so you know…” or “For future reference…”

What to say instead: People don’t usually make decisions to upset you. If you disagree, speak up. But lead with the benefit of the doubt. Is your input required? Is this the right time to say something?

If so, be polite and direct as you advocate for what you think is best: “What if we take this course of action for this benefit?”

Remind yourself that you will get to make lots of decisions in your life. If you don’t have a say in this one, the world will keep spinning.